Thursday, February 02, 2006

MySpace: Human Resources

The Millennium has finally arrived. The End of Times is near.

No.....It has nothing to do with The Christian Right, or a White Horse in Israel (or is it a White Cow? No, I think the White Cow is in India....but they are breeding white critters in Texas to prepare for this......) Or the White Chimp in the White House....

Thursday I had my first job application on MySpace. It actually worked out pretty well. For catering, there are a few requisites: reasonably attractive; reasonably intelligent; strong sense of humor; raging sense of irony, or complete indifference. What did I miss? At least we are doing better than the U.S. Army. No waivers for criminal activity needed yet for A Moveable Feast. Those guys work at The Store.

I had read somewhere that major corporations are using MySpace to vett applicants....but on the sly. The same corporations are creeping around checking out existing workers. That photo of you in your ClubKid outfit with your Special Party Bong may just leak out to your supervisor at the County Prosecutor’s Office.

Anyway.....according to MySpace.......Vantastic, our new applicant was 23, 5’4””, average build, a 2004 grad of Santa Clara University with a major in Psych, minor in English. Books she admires: J.D. Salinger, George Orwell, C.S. Lewis (!!??), Arundhati Roy, and James and the Giant Peach. Music: Ella Fitzgerald (!!??!!) in the number one spot. Movies: Office Space, Dirty Dancing, The Goonies, Best in Show (??!!?). She had a cynical anti-Bush poster on her space....since deleted (??!!!??) One of her friends played soccer. Another friend posted a poster (how appropriate...posting a poster!!) of an angry Latino: “Who You Calling Alien, Pilgrim?’’


If you did not know already: everyone under the age of 30 with an IQ over room temperature in a chilly room is on MySpace. If the Bush Administration sees a need to keep track of us citizens they don’t need illegal wiretaps. It is all here.

By the way, Vantastic was fantastic. Smart, energetic, involved, creative, unafraid to assume responsibility, prompt, well-groomed.......ironic. My only question: why is she catering? Is the job market for Santa Clara grads that bad? Is the social/intellectual/sports/cultural milieu so drab and awful that great kids like this work for me schlepping drinks FOR FUN AND INTELLECTUAL STIMULATION? Sweet Sleeping Jesus on His Holy Mountain…......Isn’t this a crisis and threat several levels above that of Al Quaida? (however the hell you spell it....maybe NSA has SpellCheck....) Threat level Day-Glo School Bus Orange?

For those that are unfamiliar with MySpace....not only is Vantastic's stats and secret fantasies laid out for all to see.....any of Vantastic’s on-MySpace friends can be accessed with a simple double-click. And then that friend’s friends.....on and on. I picture the 2046 Supreme Court hearings for Vantastic, where the esteemed Senator from Baja California is irate about the Candidate’s MySpace profile after college……."Ms. Vantastic....what is it about C.S. Lewis that informs your understanding of the Constitution......and why did you post that poster about Pilgrims? What do you have against The Founders?"

I leave you with a post from Vantastic’s friend that origianlly referred her to me....also on MySpace: She is a 23 year old graduate of Chico State in Music Business with a full time job and her own condo:

Well I may have had a mini epiphany…all of my negativity surrounding my single status is getting me nowhere and doing nothing for me. So with that said I shall enjoy my life and current situation. I will enjoy the fact that I can make-out with anyone at any given time. I will enjoy the fact that I can pick up and leave for a weekend trip and consult no one whenever I feel like it. I will spend MY money on ME and whomever else I feel deserves and appreciates it. I know there is more that I want to do with this freedom than the things I just mentioned but I think those are the ones that I most look forward to. I don’t know why it took me so long to feel this way. I have always said that you should always enjoy where you are in life because you never know what is next for you. Enjoy being single, young, free, in college, a homemade meal, a conversation with a old friend, your little brother, living in Soledad…this list is never-ending. (About that Soledad one…I am still figuring out how to enjoy that one. If you have any suggestions please send them my way!) I would just like to end by saying I am almost 24 years old, single, I have a good job…life is good and it will only get better. I am game for nearly anything and looking forward to new adventures. So, call me up and lets go do it up!

I am trying to figure out if this is either the happiest, or saddest, thing I have read from a young person this century.

All these minds….all this energy and creativity. Mr. Bush…..wake up! We are not wasting oil….it is much worse than that……


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