Wednesday, August 02, 2006

A Tale of Two Roadhouses.....

We just realized that we have worked an event every day for the past 18 days. Yeesh. Plus, Brendan and Alex have been pulling eight hour days building a vineyard in 120 degree heat, BEFORE they go to work. So yesterday I turned the phone off and took a nap for two hours......and a producer from PBS calls to see about doing a food show. Thanks, are a bitch, but I love your sense of humor.

Roadhouse #1:

Monday Nights we always rename The Store based on our mood and the day's events. Monday was kind of a no-brainer: we had to listen to the MadMel drama all day on CNN. We thought it would be appropriate to call it "Mad Mel's Jewboy Warmonger Roadhouse".

You can see why Mel is upset: The Jews have TWO whole months in the middle of the summer named after them, and the Catholics are stuck with crappy little days, like St. Eustace Day and Saint Hubert Day. (The Friday of his arrest was St. Samson Day.....and Monday night was Martyrs of Syria Day.....yipes!) It must be frustrating for Mel to have to say: I am flying to Ibiza in late JEW-ne or early JEW-ly....."

And what kind of Catholic names his kid Melvin, anyway? When is St. Melvin Day?

Turns out there is a Saint MEL: St. Patrick's nephew. Mel lived with his aunt in a situation that caused some scandal back in old Eire. Patrick had to intervene with the injunction to Mel to "do your plowing on the land" and move to his own cabin.

And, sorry Mel: as Bill Maher and others have pointed out.....the Jews may not have started all the wars in the world, but they HAVE greenlit every Hollywood movie ever made........And as Jon Stewart said last night: After the Betty Ford Clinic, you might think of trying out the Henry Ford Anti-Semitism Clinic.

Anyhow, most people get it that we re-name The Store with tongue firmly in cheek. We did have one table of Stanford research kids and advisors from Hopkins Marine Station. They had not seen the news all weekend.....and were completely non-plussed at the title. They thought we were upset at the Israeli's for invading Lebanon or something.

Irony may not be dead......but it definitely needs some blood work.

The Second Roadhouse:

Just as we got settled on the name of the Roadhouse, both busgirls Rachelle and April called in sick. They are real cowgirls, and had been on a 50 mile endurance ride through the Santa Cruz mountains on Saturday in 100 degree heat. They had to sleep in Ana's Ford Exploder on Saturday and got eaten alive by mosquitos. The itching didn't stop Monday they were both covered with hive-like welts and texted me that they could not work due to ugliness.

Meanwhile, we had 100 reservations in our pathetic little store, and really needed the help....welts or no. The girls responded to my guilt trip by going on-line and researching their joint malady: welts, swelling, itching, headache, mosquitos, Santa Cruz.........

Presto!!! They had Dengue Fever!! Travelers bitten by mosquitos in Santa Cruz came down with those exact symptoms and were later diagnosed with Dengue Fever! What boss would make little girls work with Dengue Fever?

I did a little double checking on my own. Yup.....the girls were right: travellers bitten by mosquitos in Santa Cruz get Dengue Fever. Why hasn't there been more press? A right wing plot to eliminate marijuana growing in Santa Cruz?

Oh.....fine print. Santa Cruz, BOLIVIA.

This was the most creative sick-call ever. Blows the doors off the previous models.....when hungover waitresses would pop a couple of niacin tablets and in mid-flush give me graphic descriptions of their female problems.......

So, half the menus went out: Rachelle's Santa Cruz Dengue Fever Roadhouse.

The girls worked.....we did 100 dinners.....and Gilda only tipped them out twenty bucks.....

That is worse than real Dengue Fever........


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