Thursday, November 08, 2007

Time Out For Falafel Terror...

I can't let this one go by without comment:

The FBI had a program monitoring falafel and hummus purchases in California as a method of intercepting Iranian spies.

The theory was that an influx of Iranian agents would inevitably lead to an increase in sales of homegrown Iranian food. Since Iran supports Hamas....a Lebanese/Palestinian terror increase in falafel sales might presage a Hamas terror attack.

So......they data-mined all purchases at Iranian delis in California, and cross-referenced the purchases with the phone records AT&T gave them on the sly......and got....

Exactly what?

It is called "domain management".

On the one hand, you have to admire their creativity. On the other hand......are you fucking kidding me?

My Amanda long ago told me that in the film business in L.A. the best drugs come from the Iranians: meth, Vicodin, great pot.

My friend Bennie.....a frequent source of joy and amusement to all of our National Security agencies has long been a fan of Vartan's and Good Foods in Pasadena. He would even mail me stuff from Vartan's.....and any visit to LA had to include Persian deli food.

There now exist a realm of files of falafel/hummus buyers in the National Security archives. Your tax dollars at work.

If Bennie thought his photography for CodePink and Camp Casey would be troublesome for his security file......

Fucking Falafel! Though, it is possible that it was Bennie's obsession with Iranian delis that got the feds interested in the first place.


Still.....Anyone that has ever known two Iranians would know that they are worse than the Irish: two Iranians will generate at least three political opinions....and be willing to drink long into the night arguing about any of them, from any side. Royalists, Jews, Bahai, Kurds, crypto-Afghans, Slavs.....Good luck, boys.

One can only imagine the other food related national security files that are out there. Thank god that terrorism and cuisine seem antithetic. Think about it. IRA and Irish cooking. El Queda and lambs eyes and honey? Zapatistas and fried bananas?

Oh, shit. I can only imagine what the feds think of my fixation with Basque food.

In Basque country, the more ETA grafitti....the better the food.

I hope the Spanish let me in, come January.

Hey.....I don't even LIKE Falafel.



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