Thursday, February 14, 2008

Sweet and Sexy.....and not so much.

I always just want to repeat the post from last year about the origins of Valentine's Day....and how the Christians were freaked out about a Roman holiday where everyone got drunk and had sex with goats or some such (Lupercalia) they grabbed a boring old bishop and put him in charge of love on February 14......

Actually....they (the Roman priests) got naked and drunk, and sacrificed two goats and a dog, cut their pelts into strips and ran through the streets of Rome whipping people into fertility with the goat and dogskin whips. The name of the sacrificed animals in Roman? Februa.......Take that you Christians!

So, here is the good news. From the Europeans, as usual........

Food of love

Feb 14th 2008

ON VALENTINE'S DAY the relationship between chocolate and sex becomes, at least for gentlemen considering the ideal gift, less a matter of theoretical musing and one of stark practicality. Will a box of chocolates do the trick? In some parts of Europe sex and chocolate go hand in hand, though a causal link is unclear. Mediterranean lovers tend to have as much sex but less chocolate—perhaps hotter weather has a bearing on both. The Japanese have precious little of either.

Note that the study was done by a chocolate marketing coop and a condom manufacturer......

That we are so far behind THE SWISS in sex and chocolate is depressing enough......but the Dutch? Have you ever seen Dutch men? They invented the whole sandals with white sox thing.......

Americans have sex fifty times a year, on average.

There was a Martin Mull song: "Why Don't You and I Get Normal, For A Change".

"We'll get a pair of shitty speakers.....
And become once-a-weekers....."

And the Germans!!?? I mean, there was Run Lola, Run! But........

Actually, when I worked near Munich there was a big problem with traffic accidents in the evening rush hour. Seems old Hansel and Gretl really like to get bumping right after work, and before Bonanza came on the tube. There was even a term: Ficken Vor Bonanza!

Fucking Before Bonanza.

Bonanza came on at 6pm.......And there was such a mad dash to get home for Ficken Vor Bonanza that the Jerries were piling into each other wholesale.

The solution? The government-owned TV station moved the program up to 6:30. Problem solved.

I assume that if this were the case in Italy, they would have had to move Bonanza to at least 7:00, or maybe 8:00........

And Japan: now you know why your Lexus runs so well......not much happening at home....might as well stay at the office and work on those fancy seats some more....... the chocolate department.....we have a running start on everyone else. Last year the FDA made it OK to call a disgusting mix of cocoa powder, partially hydrogenated vegetable oil and got it: chocolate.

I won't depress you further by telling you of how Nestle's support of cheap African chocolate makes the whole Blood Diamond thing seem like a Tupperware party. Most of the places with child soldiers high on coke and running around chopping people up with machetes are getting their funds from cacao sales, not diamonds. That is why we at The Cachagua Store buy single source Valrhona....where we know not only the country of origin, but the guy in the country who grew it.

But I will depress you further by telling you that your very own Environmental Protection Agency has (at industry's behest.....I know you are shocked) increased the allowable presence of glyphosate (aka Roundup, the herbicide) in sugar beets by 5,000 per cent.

Seems Monsanto now has a Roundup Ready Sugar Beet. Sugar beets account for about half of the homegrown sugar crop. Now you will not only get transgenic sugar, but transgenic sugar with 5,000 percent more herbicide in your cocoa powder/vegetable oil treat you bring home to your honey.

No wonder there is no loving going on for those Russell Stover's back here in Purple Mountain's Majesty.

Hershey's, Mars and American Crystal sugar told consumers back in 2001 that they would not use genetically engineered sugar.

Feel like reminding them?

There is a petition, of course......

Love you long time, GI. You got chocolate?


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