Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Dial M.....for Marijuana, or Moron

As I watched CNN’s coverage of the Supreme Court decision about marijuana laws…….An ad came on for the newly reopened Morongo Casino. As in Moron, Go! ??? Jesus, help us. Where is the god of Irony?

Lord, please help us…..when Clarence Thomas and William Rehnquist are two of the only three on OUR side of the pot issue. Keep in mind: this is Billy Rehnquist the former prosecutor, and former proponent of the No Knock Laws that sent a larger army of protesters to the streets in the sixties than the bombing of Cambodia. I am quite sure that the fact that he has terminal cancer had nothing to do with his new thinking…..Thanks, Billy! Everyone should send him a pot brownie. Send to:

Chief Justice William Rehnquist
Supreme Court of the United States
Washington, DC 20543

Return address suggestions:

Rick Santorum
One Tower Bridge, Suite1440
West Conshohocken, PA 19428

While the Reality Mirror continues its bizarre warp…not only are we joined by Judge Rehnquist and Judge Pubic-Hair-on-the-Soda-Can Thomas….but PAUL HARVEY came out for legal pot. On this morning’s broadcast he was close to vitriolic about the decision: “The decision is a stinging rebuke to Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez, who promised us a more compassionate Justice Department…..” I thought I was listening to KPIG, and Travis T. Hipp for a minute. Then old Paul went on to slap the Bush administration hard about stem-cell research. “America is being left behind……..” Duh.

I have always been a secret Paul admirer (hey, I like Merle Haggard, too….. And Ann Landers….whose Purity Test did more for teenage sex in the 60’s than The Pill….) Paul is that Mormon dutch uncle that hates commies, fags and hippies…..when he is sober. I bet there is a bottle of cooking sherry over the refrigerator, though…..and those production assistants might have to step lively after Paul’s post-broadcast medicinal glass. Just a theory. Just kidding. I hope that Paul’s dual broadside at Bush doesn’t mean he has BOTH Parkinson’s and cancer…….Maybe Paul is a closet stoner after all…..I mean…those Bose Stereo ads…..Really.

Paul’s email address: paul.harvey@abc.com Please say “thank you” to Uncle Paul.

Send Paul a brownie:

Paul Harvey
c/o WLS Radio
190 State Street
Chicago, Illinois 60601

Return address suggestions:

Charles Hurwitz
c/o Pacific Lumber
Box 37
Scotia, CA 95565

Anyway, the local context to Big Government and Marijuana, grace á Friend Ian.

The Del Monte Hotel was the precursor to Pebble Beach….and helped put the Monterey Peninsula on the map. Ignoring of course the fantasy scenery, mellow weather, 25 feet of topsoil and things like that. Old Sam Morse built this gorgeous hotel in Monterey…..only to have it burn down twice. The second burning, in 1924….came just as Monterey was being discovered by the Hollywood crowd, and played hell with Sam’s new real estate project….the aforementioned Pebble Beach. Heads would roll…..the goddam hotel had to be back up and running…….right now. Time is money.

Sam called in all known resources, and one of the most effective was his buddy Louis B. Mayer, who may or may not have a hand in the till. The hotel had to be rebuilt in ten months, max. Louis rallied his troops and the grips, electrician and carpenters pitched in.

Among the many showcase items of our Central Coast jewelbox was the Grand Ballroom. The original had large hammered copper tiles for the ceiling, gorgeous stuff. This all melted, of course….save three sheets. The new builders opted to make plaster casts of the old tiles, and hang theseinstead of getting all involved with the time and expense of waiting for copper replacements.

The grips, electricians and carpenters built the ceiling of the new ballroom to be fully retractable….an elaborate system of pulleys and hoists can raise and lower it on demand.
They ran into trouble with the casts of the copper tiles, though. The plaster had no internal strength, and kept shattering when attached to the machinery. The tiles clearly needed strengthening. What to do? Time was short.

Some genius came up with the perfect solution. Hemp. Grows fast, and grows well on the Central Coast. Gardens were started….supposedly on the Hotel grounds. However, Sam Morse owned all of deep Carmel Valley and Cachagua through his Pacific Improvement Company: I am thinking his hemp gardens were here. (Of course, I have no PERSONAL knowledge to back this up…….Research may be required). Anyway, it worked. Hemp reinforced plaster casts were the bomb, and came in on-time and under budget, and continue to function to this day.

The rest of the story is that Old Sam moved his scene to Pebble Beach, and donated the old Hotel Del Monte to the US Navy. It is now the Naval Post Graduate School, and the Ballroom remains as it was in 1924……Next time you are in, cast your eyes to the heavens, take a deep breath…..And say a small prayer to the God of Irony. Alberto Gonzalez take note: you, sir, are sitting on a major stash.

I knew there was a God…..and I love Her sense of humor……


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