Friday, August 05, 2005

Whine Porn

These are the instructions I received for a new-release dinner for a winery with Pebble Beach connections:

Tapas should be served with the PJ (Champagne), to be very simple and elegant. The Champange nor the food should interefer with the conversation flow.

We should serve creative seafood app's with the Foxy White -Flavor Profile: (orange blossom and candied spice. spiced baked pears drenched in lemon sorbet, with smokey nuances with a clean crisp finish). I would like to incorporate almonds with one. I would like fresh herbs such as tarrogon, clentro ,Sage, Basil, chives or even mint and maybe a little spice. I think one of the shooters he showed me would fit beautifully. I would like to see 3, one each per person. These tapas should be bold.

We should serve the 2003 Foxy Red flavor profile: ( cherry pie and dried cranberrys, with bright fresh raspberry and silky blueberrys balanced with smooth velvety oak and soft tannins), slightly chilled and we should be seated at this time. We would suggest that you go wild with dried herbs and some dried spices( Orgeno, Thyme) black pepper and garlic, with a pork or portobella mushroom dish. He want to do a sorbet with the Foxy Red, we will serve it after this course.

The Concerto - Profile: (spicy sage tea and dried currant aromas with subtle flavors of violets and raspberries. medium leaning to light bodied with very soft tannins). The dish we serve with this wine should act as a pettle stool more so then a partner. Very clean flavors. Grilled or roaster veggies.

The Cabernet Franc - profile: (full balanced teeming with lavender, clove and violets. Soft mouthfeel with refined tannins hinting of green tea and cashew. Smooth round texture with flavors of of rich chocolate. Elegant. I would like to have lamb chops maranated in pamogrante juice olive oil, garlic and lot's rosemary served on top of cassulet with duck confee.

Raymond, a top cheese guy out of S.F. will pair and provide at wholesale the cheese and port. He is one of the top food people in the world and will use the basque influence, etc.

I scarily no wear to stare……Ooops, I mean: I scarcely know where to start!

Brendan said it best from Prague: “Learn how to spell CONFIT and while you are at it.... give the fresh herbs a break….. especially the ones that involve a bong!!"

Clentro? Female sexual organ, still elusive to the Christian right?

Pettle stool? Nashville musical instrument? Rose poop?

Soft mouthfeel? Hollywood and Vine? Golden retriever?

Lamb on top of duck? Protein porn?

Our response:

Standing:
Perrier Jouet: Asiago scallion bruschetti; Carmel Valley oak-smoked salmon; Endive with Stilton and candied pecans.

Foxy White: Pan-roasted local halibut, mango, apple, mint spoons; pear, prawn, tarragon bruschetti; Mesquite grilled breast of chicken, sesame sorrel rolls

Foxy Red: Venison tartare spoons, pomegranate, rose pepper poivrade; Confit of duck with tamarind coulis; Oysters Laura England (porcini cream, arugula, asiago)

Raspberry White Peach Sorbet……Martini glasses, passed

Seated:
Concerto: Confit of Monterey salmon with grilled summer vegetables; basil, Meyer lemon; Basque sheep cheese (ours….smuggled personally)

Cabernet Franc: Roast Cashew crusted New Zealand lamb; mint beurre blanc; Israeli couscous as a risotto with fennel and heirloom carrots

The result…….I brought The RayDiator to battle with Candace the Marketing Clentro….It was Godzilla vs. Mothra…..there was a death struggle at the cheese course. Ray insulted the pregnant wife of the winery owner somehow…….I had a cast of thousands to serve…..All was good. We worked our balls off, and came up with four or five new, good dishes. I mean, the staff liked them…..fuck the guests for a bunch of clueless wankers……What else is new?

At the end of the night, more than slightly blitzed on stolen champagne (Gosset, not PJ…supplied by Southern Wines…..the Karl Rove of the wine business)….. I was chatting with the winemaker. He hates the idea of organic, unfiltered or bio-dynamic wines......Because:

Turns out these wines RETAIL FOR $10 per bottle!!!! Silky blueberries? Cherry pie? Spicy sage tea with currant aromas? For TEN BUCKS?

I think there is a secret wine-description website. Soft core wine-porn, pay-per-play……"Chocolate box with a gentle velvet thrusting of cigar……latex undertones….with a whiff of musk…….. "

AND CLENTRO!!!

2 Comments:

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