Rape me.......

In 1993, Nirvana came out with "In Utero", probably their best album. Brendan was in sixth grade, and we could still afford to go to Bonaire every year for a month on vacation. Somehow the two are locked together in my mind......diving, windsurfing....

God save us........rollerblading through town with Walkman's.......

"Heart Shaped Box", "Serve the Servants", "All Apology", "Rape Me"........

Not just me, but the boys as well: Brendan and Conall and Dylan. Sixth, fourth, and second grades respectively. We loved the irony....the viscious, distilled, venomous irony.

"All Apology" is on my all-time wedding CD: "Married.....buried." And anyone who has ever spent hours in the DMV, or Mental Health offices, or the State Board: "Aqua sea-foam shame......" Like paint could cure our ills.

And "Rape Me":
Nirvana Lyrics
Rape me (Full Version) Lyrics

"Rape me, my friend.
I'm not the only one.......

At the Middle School dance that year, the Christian moms rallied and stifled "Rape Me" seconds after the mystified DJ put it in the mix........

This is the same year the same Christian moms insisted that the school production of "Les Miserables" eliminate all mention of prostitution and suicide.......

I am struggling to turn my whole perspective on Christians around.

My new landlord is an Evangelical Christian pastor.

And I hate Christians.

Well.....all but about eight Christians. Where there is life, there is hope.

My daughter was kidnapped by Christians and hustled off to Wisconsin where she has spent ten years bouncing around weird half-way houses. My bad debt receivable list is almost exclusively hard-core, Bible spouting Christians with pictures of Jesus all over their houses......to the point that if I see Jesus or a Bible during an interview, I run.

Or, how about our Rose's parents? They send her to Bible school, Bible camp, etc......and then move all of her personal effects out into the driveway on the afternoon of her graduation from high school. She wouldn't give it up for New Daddy, see......so she had to go.

One of my favorite activities is to wear my "Who Would Jesus Bomb?" T-shirt on my Costco shopping runs. Typical comment: "Well, we all know who Mohammed would bomb......."

Yeah, Mohammed and ME....you fucking moron.

Imagine my perverse joy this week to find out that one of these douche bags.....a big developer in the Salinas Valley.....got run out of his McMansion in Tehama and chased into Seaside. Oh, and another one shot himself in a motel in Fresno after stealing $10 million dollars from a bunch of my other clients over a crappy golf course.

I think Jesus paid his bills.....

Actually, I don't think Jesus did much in the way of entertaining. His focus was a little higher.

Plus, he had serious catering skills.

All chefs and caterers have obvious reverence for the way He handled the whole marriage feast at Cana thing. Don't think that I haven't worked that same trick myself......but you have to admire the Master.

Well, I don't hate all Christians, as I said. I know two couples that do all this stuff, and are not raving hypocrits.....quite the opposite. And, I hear rumors that Ben, the pastor of the Cachagua Community Church is another authentic specimen.

Then I find out that all the real Christians I know are friends with our new landlord. They are a posse. Is there hope, after all?

Our new landlord.....who paid $785,000 for the privelege of straightening out Jensen Camp......well, his first act was to sign each and every tenant up for free Alhambra drinking water accounts.

This was a stunning act of goodwill. People in Cachagua in general, and Jensen Camp in particular are used to abuse. We solve our own problems....because we have to.

One of the problems of Jensen Camp and The Store was the previous landlord, a crackhead named Javier who ran a long running scam on Monterey County about our water supply. He had a good well, and a bad well that had flouride in concentrations that would erode bones and teeth in children and old people.

The obvious jokes about average tooth count among Cachagua folk have already been handled in this blog.....but Javier actually conned some good and decent lawyers to work for him for free and the fucker won a judgement against Monterey County about the water by hiding his good well and giving his tenants only tainted water......for five years.

And we have pretty much only children and old people in Cachagua.

So, the new landlord having Alhambra water delivered to all his new tenants was pretty amazing.

He is a sweet, nice man. With a half dozen beautiful, smart daughters.

I can't wait to ask him about Sarah Palin.....and her whole rape fixation.

This bizarre cancer on American political life is kooky about rape.

As mayor of East Moose Fuck, she forced rape victims to pay for their own rape kits at the local clinic.

Alaska has by far the highest rate of forcible rates in the United States.....and therefore in the developed world. I think Alaska is trailing Darfur by a few percentage points.

Wasilla is actually in the lead in towns in the worst rape state in Christendom.

And they charge girls to investigate their own assaults.

Sarah Barracuda also believes that rape victims should not be allowed access to abortion. Given Bush Administration guidelines about religious ideology in medicine trumping actual medical care, this means that a teen-age rape victim in rural Alaska....with no money, no access to transport, no access to medical care.....gets to carry to term the seed of her attacker.

And live with the result the rest of her life.

Wow. I don't think Jesus was consulted on this one. From what I read, he actually liked women.

Rape has been a weapon of war for tens of thousands of years. It has also been an economic weapon.....and we won't even talk about the social aspects.

"Keepin' the niggers down......." as Randy Newman sang. Barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen.

"Keep your biscuits in the oven, and your buns in the bed".......

Or....as Adolf Hitler said: "Kinder, kirche, kuche."

Children, church and kitchen.

What more could you ask for?

So, what.....rape victims are asking for it? They deserve to be assaulted and humiliated....and if they get pregnant in the process....the humiliation goes on for life?

But, wait.....there is more.

While Ms. Palin was charging rape victims for invesitgating their own rapes.....it was a budgetary issue. Personal responsibility. Get government and the taxpayers out of your personal life. Well, except for the $50,000 she spent decorating her 16' x 16' office.

But, wait.....there is more.

Trooper-gate is winding to a close. Supposedly it is just another partisan smear campaign. Ms. Sarah did not fire the Director of Public Safety for refusing to fire her ex-brother in law. She had reasons.

According to ABC......Governor Palin's attorneys claim that she fired her Public Safety Director for traveling to Washington D.C. to lobby for federal funds for a campaign against sexual violence. The Feds were offering $10-20 million a year for five years to the State which led the Free World in forcible rape......

Sarah Palin claims to have fired the guy because he went against her direct orders.

See......she wanted $125 million to build a bridge to nowhere......but free money to stop the raping?

Fire the motherfucker!

Wow.....I gotta talk to the preacher. Why is rape good for Jesus?

To me....proof that Jesus does not give a fuck about life on Earth:

Sarah Palin is able to use God's oxygen....breathing in and out, several times a minute.

There are spiders and maggots who could do a whole lot better job with that oxygen.