Wednesday, April 08, 2009

Ars longa, vita brevis...

One hesitates to say: "What recession!"

In the midst of doing actual 20 hour shifts....stacked up for five or six days at a time....it is very easy to get all task-oriented.

Back in my Labor Committee days.....this overwhelming work schedule was an indication of The Man deliberately distracting the noble working force with actual work....and was a Bad Thing.

I have been pulling the four hour sleep shift after twenty hours of work for six days now.....

And I noticed that meanwhile my guy Barack Obama shit the bed.

Barack just confirmed each and every horrible fantasy of all of those who hate Democrats....by going above and beyond even George Bush in defending Executive Privlege in a couple of lawsuits against the Electronic Freedom Foundation.

Yeah....I am the Motherfucking President, and all your shit is MINE!

The man used to be a Constitutional scholar.....and has just trumped George Bush....and become a Dick Cheney wet dream.

No wonder Ayn Rand sales are through the roof.....

As I called it....once Neon Leon Panetta was under the tent wall....all is lost.

You can't be slightly dead, or slightly pregnant.....

Barack Hussein Obama just cleared the decks. Torture was fine, and all of those who authorized it are cool......and The Sovereign State is immune from lawsuits......

Because Government Knows Better....

Fuck me.

Dianne Feinstein must be over the moon......

Anyway....I am writing to say that I don't have time to write about the utter, abject destruction of my Constitutional rights to privacy and the whole Balance of Powers thing that goes back to Jefferson.....therefore fullfilling the prophecy of every radical bomb thrower I have ever met.

Keep the workers busy and worried. Stalin and Lenin said this. Also Alan Greenspan. And now, apparently Barack Obama.

Yeah...so fuck that. Kill me, fuck me, imprison me...whatever.

I am way more mad than that.

A couple of years ago, South Park had an episode that rang clear and true for us.

The plot line had Kartmann's dad getting on to Wheel of Fortune.

The final question...before he won two or three million dollars was:

"People Who Annoy You".

Left on the board above Vanna White was "N * G G E R S.

Karmann's dad hovered and vacillated.....and eventually spat out the N word.

Wrong.

The word was "NAGGERS".

We adopted this as the name of the restaurant one Monday Night.

"People Who Annoy You Roadhouse"

Fuck the N*GGERS and *AGGOTS!

Some black people came that night.....and were all bent out of shape. They wrote letters and told all their friends.

Cachagua Store is now a famous racist haunt.

Not to mention Homophobic.

Our words were: NAGGERS and MAGGOTS.

So.....

Tonight.

We worked for some folks we know intimately for a dozen years. They hire us.....and we choose all the menus and wines and booze, and they don't get to pick.

In reality....we have been working for them so long that we know more about them and their friends and clients in relation to food and drink than they do.

They pay instantly.....and everything is great. We love these guys....and do some of our best work for them.

Tonight: 17 different hors d'oeuvrers.....plus the buffet with gorgeous Alaska salmon and Bill Niman organic trip tip.

We had seven workers for 38 people. The halibut was so beautiful we carried it around and showed everyone before we cooked it. It looked like a pile of Bolivian flake.....mother of pearl and all that. Brendan and I fought like dogs with all of our skill to get the halibut to the perfect perfect place. Brendan's perfect is different from my perfect.....

Everyone ate and loved all of it. We passed seconds.....

Life was good.....we did desserts....and got ready to go home.

And then.....150 minutes into the party, three new guests showed up. Our hosts are security lawyers....like super private eyes.

We were packed up and ready to go....for the 4am wakeup.

But...we love our guy....so we backed up, unpacked and made three plates.

One of the guys was a vegetarian.....no meat.

We had just tossed the last of our Alaskan halibut....fish so gorgeous that Edward Weston would have been there for us to record it. Mother of pearl.....a filet like a long pile of Bolivian flake....and almost as expensive.

We unpack all our stuff we had just packed up at the end of a 20 hour day....and gave the guy a plate of all the non-meat. (The meat was Bill Niman organic tri-tip.....)

Organic wild rice salade with organic cranberries, currants, sunflower and punkin seeds with balsamic vinegar. Hog Farms organic new season asparagus. Organic Yukon gold spuds. Baby lettuce from my own new expensive garden. Organic pineapple flown in from Hawaii, with mint I grew myself.

"Sorry, sir. The fish, like Elvis, has already left the building. Here are a bunch of organic salads and such.."

"How do I know it is really organic. People lie about this all the time."

Luckily for this guy.....he was so late that I did not have actual time enough to piss in his food. Instead, I told him:

"All our farmers have faces.....and by the way, fuck you and the late-ass horse you rode in on."

All three late arrivers were African American attorneys......

Because I was not able to pull delicate, gorgeous halibut out of the trash two hours after service....I am a racist.....and everyone was to know this.

No....

Here is the deal: If you arrive at a party more than thirty minutes late, even during an earthquake....

You are a douche bag.

If the caterer or host feeds you anyway.....you are a grateful douchbag who may live to be a douchebag another day.

If you happen to be an African American lawyer who arrives more than two hours late for a party.....and immediately grills the working folks who have been up for 40 hours about the existential meaning of the word "organic"....

And then strongly imply that the reason you don't get the same food and selection all the polite, timely people got is because you are black....

And the caterer is racist.

Well.....

Fuck you.

You are truly one of the "People Who Annoy You".

You are a "N*GGER".

And you can kiss my D*CK.

Close to where I park my boat.

4 Comments:

Blogger barcelonajane said...

Mike...tell it like it is.

11:02 AM  
Blogger Sequoiagrapeboy said...

Assholes will be assholes... No matter what color.

XXOO -- SN

4:21 PM  
Blogger azazl said...

Thats NOT why you are a racist...you are a racist because you arent happy with everything Obama does (LOL- politicians are considered sucessful by me if I like 10% of what they do- so I am essentially a cynic anyway)
BTW my D*ck is bigger than yours and loves kisses.
Quack quack.

9:16 PM  
Blogger Dad said...

You are a w*iner.

12:05 PM  

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