Monday, April 13, 2015

Dear Christians With The Rainbow Shirt That Says "Jesus Hates The Sin But Loves The Sinner"



Re: Sunday and Walking The Christians.


Dear Christians:


We are probably the most open minded restaurant this side of Dharma’s on 41st in Santa Cruz.  You can wear a Southern Battle Flag T-shirt here (Tim’s great grandfather died fighting for the South in the same battle my great grandfather was wounded in.  They might have shot each other!).  You can wear IRA shirts, and British rugby shirts.  You can wear ManU jerseys, even though we are Liverpool and Barce folk (Real Madrid….not so much!)


Sorry......you can’t wear a t-shirt with a rainbow and some bullshit words like: “Jesus hates the sin, but loves the sinner”.  Hashtag: GTFOH!


I grew up as the bishop’s altar boy in Reno.  My Ancestry.com tree is stacked with Jesuits and Sacred Heart nuns as far as the eye can see.  I am cool with Jesus and God and their Whole Crew.  I can still say the Our Father in Latin…so back off.


My memory of the Jesus I met in the scriptures was a revolutionary guy who lived at home with his mom until he was 33, hung around with a dozen dudes, and whose best female friend was a hooker.  Where do you get “homosexuality is a sin” from that?  The only time he actually got his ire up was when he laid the lash to the bankers and moneylenders in the Temple.  

 What was it you do for a living again?


My Amanda just spent a month overseeing the passage of my mom from this side to the next side.  The last ten days she spent 24-7 by her bedside, praying her soul out, trying to connect Pat (and herself, and us) to the Whatever Comes Next.  In Amanda’s world you don’t pray to one guy or one thing…..you just fucking pray.  Somebody will hear, and that Something is probably beyond our feeble tries at definition. The experience itself is transformative.


Amanda had in the Jews.  She had in the Buddhists.  She had in the Unitarians.  She had in the kindest, sweetest spiritual lady with crystals.  She had in Father Emil for Last Rites…..not to mention the daily visits from the Shamanae nurses from the Hospice.  The vibe was intensely spiritual, peaceful and supportive.  One day I arrived for a visit from trying to keep all our balls in good juggling mode, and Amanda made me sit in the yard for an hour with a glass of bubbly until my energy matched the house’s.


At no time were any of these devotedly spiritual people anything but positive and generous.  Zero judgment  or condescension…..even from the Catholics.  Against the enormity of transformation and death….petty Earthly squabbles vanish.


You think Jesus gives a shit who has sex with who?  Jesus is fucking Jesus, you morons!


Just because you are a hypocritical, judgmental asshole…don’t flatter yourself that God made you in his image.  Production-line errors are common.  Consider yourself a spiritual Pinto, and believe me, The Factory is anxious to recall your model before you do further damage to The Brand.


I worked in Swiss and French kitchens long enough to become toxically allergic to arrogance and condescension.  It puts me off my feed.


 So…..please move your pure, virginal buttholes on to the next restaurant. 

 Perhaps they will be silly enough to believe that the customer is always right.

Yours in Christ,

Mikey

3 Comments:

Blogger Valentine Fine said...

MICHAEL val says all of that ignorance was put to bed by anyone with half a brain forty years ago. sad to see that so few half brainers populate this fragile dust speck so many years later.great blog, I am beginning to see why you moved so far into the hills.Me, I thank and still think of you. Valentine

4:33 PM  
Blogger Debbie Kirk said...

Well put, I met you at the store today. I am certainly not a Christian, but I certainly don't hate Jesus and think people should believe what works for them. Sometimes Christians make it really hard. Peddling their wares in the name of Jesus, these ones are the government. and i DO HATE the government. New here, if you ever want some help with your store or restaurant I'm on it. Don't need much pay, just something to do.---Debbie

4:50 PM  
Blogger Isabella Battig said...

holy shit, i love your posts! well written, sir. i don't read regularly enough, but every time i visit your blog, i am laughing, nodding and just thinking, "ha, fuck yeah".

9:08 AM  

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