Saturday, July 28, 2007

Hillary's lawyer......

Last night…..

“Last night I saw Lester Maddox on a TV show….

With some smart-ass New York Jew……

Jew laughed at Lester Maddox….

Audience laughed at Lester Maddox, too.

Well he may be a fool, but he’s our fool….

If they think they’re better than him, they’re wrong….”

No….wait. Snap out of it, Mike. Go away Randy Newman. (I wish I could play Randy in the background of this post....but we have dial-up out here in the mountains).

Anyway. Last night..... we did a little dinner at the store for the local College of Law. The guest of honor was a guy named Lazar Palnick. Seriously.

Supposedly. I can’t find the guy on the internet, but he was here for a week, teaching at the local law school. My friend Richard Rosenthal brought him to us. For my 4am friends, and my friends in New Zealand…..I will edit this post and find out who the fuck this guy really was. Is. Lazar Palnick.

Lazar is a fat lawyer from Arkansas. Maybe you don’t need to qualify Arkansas lawyer with fat…..I don’t know. Lazar is big in voter fraud in Pennsylvania. Lazar is big on whatever side he is on. Lazar is big, period. But, Lazar is on the side of the angels.

Lazar met Hillary Clinton when he was 14 and was Bill Clinton’s lawyer back in the Paula Jones days. Lazar says that Paula was a lying sack of shit and advised Bill to depose her and get rid of her right away. The rest of the fancy lawyers demurred and Paula wound up being a time bomb that went off under Bill right at the time of Monica.

I don’t know if Lazar was the guy who gave the best Clinton quote of all time or not: “Paula Jones is the kind of thing you wind up with when you drag a hundred dollah bill through a trailer park…..”

In Cachagua…..being cognoscenti of trailer parks….and hundred dollah bills….and what comes up when you drag one through…...we have to chuckle at that.

Anyway…..a bunch of nice people turned out for the fest. We fed them a polite little prix fixe and Lazar got up to talk.

Lazar loves Hillary. His talk was supposed to be “red meat for vegetarians”….whatever that means. I am thinking that Hillary is neither for red meat or against, and probably all for vegetarians, but with some reservations.

Lazar said that Hillary is the best lawyer he has ever known or seen. She is good on prep and organization; she knows her shit; she is brutal on cross-examinations. Hillary is the one that you want at 2am when the tough decisions have to be made.

The current Administration is a dog pile of scumbags, says Lazar. Can’t disagree, there. These guys aren't even awake at 2am.

By contrast, Bill Clinton never made a policy decision that was not in the interest of the American people and the American nation.


How about that whole NAFTA thing, Lazar? Globalization hasn’t worked out well for the folks in the trailer parks, you might mention to Bill when you see him. He might only have to drag a twenty through the trailer park at this point……or a hundred peso note, maybe.

And the bankruptcy law? Oh, yeah…that wasn’t Bill….that was Hillary and DiFi…..

Lazar went on to talk about loyalty as the prime political value. You have to be loyal to your people, to your candidate, to your party to build anything worthwhile for your country. And Hillary is the one that you want making the tough decisions at 2am.

Lazar pooh-poohed the whole Obama thing: inexperienced and naïve. I mean, really….talking to the Iranians without pre-conditions. Our enemies have to earn the right to talk to us. And Hillary is the one that you want making the tough decisions at 2am.

No offense, Lazar. Speaking as the least organized caterer, or possibly least organized businessperson on the planet……I try to avoid tough 2am decisions. We try to make those decisions at four o’clock in the afternoon, or nine in the morning, with a bunch of other folks…stone cold sober.

At this point I became grateful that I had not invited Ben and Cate and the KCathy’s to be part of this little Demo love-fest. I am feeding these guys at cost, and they are swilling my wine….I get to ask a question. The annoying working class guy.

“Uh, sir? I hate to be the fart in the elevator here. I am just a shitty little caterer from Cachagua. Five years ago, twenty per cent of my business was from pharmaceutical companies. Lunches for doctors and nurses, big bucks, no questions, money in the bank, American Express card on file. We decided, with our workers all uninsured and unlikely to ever see any of these drugs that were being promoted essentially at the taxpayers’ expense…..that the business was corrupt, malign, unethical, and dangerous to society. We gave it up…even though we need the money. Just look around….. (Laughs).

“My question for you is the Michael Moore question: In 1993 Hillary proposed a universal health plan against all odds and got pilloried for it, and crushed by the famous ’94 Republican revolution. They called it ‘socialized medicine’ and basically labeled her a socialist, or worse.

“Now, she is the largest recipient of pharmaceutical company money in Congress (with Joe Lieberman). Harvey Weinstein pressured Michael Moore to keep this information out of “Sicko”, but he refused. Truth is truth. What happened, and why should we trust her?” If a working class caterer in the mountains of Cachagua can make the moral decision to forgo pharmaceutical income for the betterment of society….why can’t Hillary?”

Lazar….who has known Hillary since she was 14……”Uh….I didn’t know that about the pharmaceutical money. Interesting. Uh….All I can say is that it is really expensive to run a modern campaign. It takes lots of money to defeat the Republicans, and we need all we can get for the good fight. And Hillary is the one that you want making the tough decisions at 2am.

“And….just because you take money from someone, doesn’t mean you do their bidding. Politics is a tough game: there is give and take; you have to wheel and deal and compromise to get to where you want to go…..

“And Hillary is the one that you want making the tough decisions at 2am.

"Does that answer your question?”

I went home and took a long shower and scrubbed extra hard.

At 2am, I woke up with Puppy trying to sleep on my head….and the two of us made the tough decision:

Fuck Hillary Clinton.


Blogger Unknown said...

hill voted against the bankruptcy bill...and fu back...idiot

8:36 PM  
Blogger Drew said...

Very interesting. I went to college in Montreal with Lazar in the mid 70s and was wondering what had happened to him. Lawyer ... Hillary fan ... hmm. No other comment ... yet.

3:47 PM  
Blogger Drew said...

Very interesting. I went to college with Lazar in Montreal in the mid-70s. Had no idea what became of him until I read your blog. Hmm. No other comment. Yet.

3:47 PM  

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