Tuesday, July 15, 2008

One love, One heart.....

Let's get together and feel alright.....

So.....the Sheriff and some wingnut from Kern County combined to cockblock our relief effort.

Chuck Dixon....or Dickson....of Kern County Fire.......yelled at Rod McMahan for 45 minutes straight about the immorality of Cachagua Fire "enabling" civil disobedience in the hills of Jamesburg by facilitating our relief effort. Rod was unable to explain to the dipshit that these people are not and never were leaving their homes under any circumstances. I got this report not from Rod, but from witnesses. Rod is in seclusion.

My friend Scott Dick from KRXA540 made the mistake of calling me for comment about the fire this afternoon. Off air, he warned me sternly about my language. It seems that right-wingnuts have been calling him up on air and telling him to shove interesting things up his ass.

And Scott has a cat, not a donkey......Strange.

Anyway, I told him....no worries. I promise not to use the F-word. As a former engineer, I only had a scientific announcement which I will repeat here.

From my friends at the Museum of Natural History in New York City.....just a block from the Dakota building and across the street from Stawberry Fields.....called with an exciting announcement.

"Charles 'Chuck' Dixon....from Kern County CalFire has been identified as possessing the smallest penis ever observed on a human male......"

After Toddie, me and Ross Curtis were identified on our local arsonist watch list.....Toddie returned to the Ranger Station for instructions.

Discretion prevents me from identifying the public agencies involved in the ensuing discussion......but suffice it to say that the summary of the conversation went as follows:

"GEE. Too bad there is no other way up the Mountain than by the ROAD, isn't it!" Everyone turned and faced south....towards the dozer cuts.

Where there is a will.....there are a plethora of ways.

Meanwhile I dropped a dime about Chuck Dixon and his tiny little penis. I called Abel Maldonado, our State Senator. Abel is aptly named. He and his chief of staff are the wiliest and smartest political guys in California. Abel got the endorsement of both Democrats and Republicans and is running unopposed in November. He is a can-do kind of guy.

I like him.....even though I am not a big fan of his politics.

Abel's chief of staff and main hitman is coming on our delivery run tomorrow. His mom lives in Princes Camp.

Want to add a little squeak to the wheel? Call his local office: 657-6315. Abel has Sheriff Mike K by the short hairs. Mike will listen to Abel. Abel will listen to you.

I would suggest Cialis for both Sheriff Mike and Chuck Dixon. Why get your butts in an uproar about one truckload of supplies for constituents per day on roads empty of any traffic.

Oh.....and Sheriff Mike and Senator Abel:

We don't need fucking roads......

Tomorrow, depending upon the outcome of our meeting with Abel's people.....look forward to my humble apology to all French people and lesbians about the misuse of a term for certain perfectly fun sexual practices that I mistakenly applied to a total dirt bag.

Peace.

In other news....Grandpa Fred watched some non-local dozer guys cut right through his water system above the Ranch. As he walked over, cursing, to inspect....six Latino guy dressed in camos came out of the woods by the break....carrying "really big rifles". They dispersed professionally, and later an SUV swooped them up below the Ranch and whisked them off down the road.

I though I felt a little silly when the smoke blew down hill this morning......

2 Comments:

Blogger Sean said...

I'm from Monterey, a townie 45 plus years, is that an insult?

Maybe that' that explains why I did not quite catch the drift of this post today. I check in here frequently becuase of fine descriptions of the fire's progress through your area. I have friends and have spent a fair amount of time in the area so am interested. Would like to here more about the fire if possible. Thx

One note on Abel MaldonadoZ: I saw him on channel 8 last week,he was unscripted.

I paraphrase "I just want to reassure the voters that we(the Gov) are doing all we can to... Blah blah blah...

In case anyone missed it: we are CITIZENS, not just voters. What a tool.

10:07 AM  
Blogger Tzila "Z" said...

Well...if the "Camo'ed" fellas had just waited a bit, they'd be smokin' now! It looks like the backfires have started...or the fire is racing ahead. Lotsa smoke!!

10:09 AM  

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