Thursday, November 02, 2006

Salmon Story, Part Six: Whole Foods Eco Terror

Not to be distracted from the more salacious aspects of CaterWorld.....and not to descend into some weird CodePink-crazy-lady-with-too-many-cats deal......but, really.

Today, Steve Palumbi.....the Hopkins Marine Station marine biology prof I have been trying for years (to no avail) to get on board with my faux-salmon campaign ......announced that all the edible fish will be gone in forty years.

CBS interviewed a Monterey fisherman who said: "Forty years? Wow, that long? I was thinking twenty......"

So.....for the eighth time this week, I went by White Hypochondriacal Overfed Lame-ass Egocentric Ferociously Obnoxious Over-educated Desperately Self-Absorbed to check on their fish counter.

Now, I would not actually BUY any fish from them.....because despite the 60's, 70's and 80's...... and all that Gruet, I still have a brain. Sea Harvest is a short drive, after all. you know, we are radically, crazy-cat-lady, insanely devoted to wild salmon. We have our stuff flown in from Oregon or Alaska to Costarella in San Francisco.....and then trucked down by Olmecs to the back parking lot of Whole Foods.

This week it was Oregon River Fish for us. The Ocean Kings are gone for the year......Our stuff was delivered on Thursday morning, and I was there. Xachatuplaziplacotl met me out back of WF. Of course, my stuff was behind the Whole Foods stuff, so I helped him unload the Whole Truck.

First box out of the gate: American Gold....fifty pounds. Farm raised salmon, appropriately dyed. Maybe 50 pounds. There was also a box of ORF, like ours. Maybe fifty pounds.

I carried in the box of American Gold and helped Xachatuplaziplacotl get checked in (his Spanish isn't that great yet). I also took a moment to peel the label off the American Gold case and stick it on the trunk of the Jaguar. I have a nice foto.

Shocker for you. At no time in the ensuing week did Whole Foods supposedly sell any American farmed, dyed fish. Or, any ORF, for that matter. Scottish farmed was already on the shelf on Thursday and soon went away. Lots of formerly frozen wild salmon, both coho and king. Lots of things made from Wild Salmon. Prices for everything were in the high teens and early twenties.

My ORF cost me $12.50 a pound and more by the time it was fileted. Wholesale, not counting the drive, the filetting, and speaking Nauatl with Xachatuplaziplacotl. Farm salmon runs $4.50 fileted.

How am I supposed to compete against that?

So, let me take a moment make a small statement:

Whole Foods fish department, and by extension, the entire business, are lying, cheating, cocksucking motherfuckers cynically participating in the destruction of the aquasphere and biosphere.

Sue me, you fucks. Prove it is a lie. My lawyer is on his honeymoon, but his number is 624-5000. He is in Ireland, which no longer has any wild fish.

And the rest of the self-absorbed motherfuckers that shop at Whole Foods need to pull their heads out of their tight little personally-trained asses and start patronizing the small local stores that won't lie, steal your money, or destroy the Earth. Cornucopia. The Cheese Shop. The Farmer's Market. Village Produce. The Grove Market. Sea Harvest.

For fuck's sake! Whole Foods is the Wal-Mart of decent everyone to the bottom and pocketing all the cash on the way.

It may be coincidental that Whole Foods is based in Texas.....but I am thinking.......


Remember.....there is a REASON why the Republicans are in charge of every apect of our lives: Democrats suck, too!


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