Thursday, December 07, 2006

News of our Whirled....

Brendan and Chloe finally called on Monday in the middle of the chaos of Monday Night at The Store. They have been travelling in Thailand for three weeks.....and not a peep.

Well, on Monday they were walking through the palace grounds of the King in Bankok and got picked up by the Palace Guard. Figures. It is a huge celebration weekend: the King's birthday, anniversary, a huge regatta and a soccer tournament. Tight security.....there was a coup a couple of months ago, and martial law abounds.

But, not a bad thing......For whatever reason, the Guard was told to swoop up attractive foreigners to hang with the King on his birthday, and they got drafted. Brendan called from the Palace while being fitted for a suit. Chloe was getting a dress, and they were both ten feet from the King. They were supposed to be in the King's entourage for the festivities....

More anon......the kids return today.

Vanessa Davis, The Quarter Million Dollar Brain (the current total of her student loans from Berkeley) has returned for the holidays after a year working at an orphanage in Honduras. She is collecting Christmas presents for ''her boys''.

Since I am The Ultimate Humbug.....I hate friggin' Christmas.....I thought it would be nice to give our stupid, meaningless presents to Vanessa to give to boys who actually need them. I mean, really: I have bought or made my Mom more than 50 dumb presents in my life (including The Beatles ''Rubber Soul'' album in 1965). She has more perfume and scarves than she can possibly wear in this lifetime.

Worse, my STAFF buys me presents! Jesus, all I want is Your birthday OFF! I don't want my girls fighting the crowds in the malls to get me a trinket I will lose or break in days. I have enough STUFF! I assume they love me or they wouldn't put up with my shit the other 364 days.....Though last year they got me a t-shirt: ''Losing Faith in Humanity.....One Person at a Time!" In festive, seasonal black.

The last time I went to The Mall at Christmas, I wound up in a screaming match with a Cuban lady in the parking lot. She would not move, so I shoved up against the bumper of her Cadillac with my giant van and punched it......shoving her up the parking lanes, smoke pouring from my tires. And....of course.....that was the mom of the perfume lady at Macy's.

So....this year I am proposing (begging, demanding, insisting) that everyone get together and buy a present for a tiny, malnourished 13-18 year old Honduran boy. Sox. Underwear. Toothbrushes. T-Shirts. Tractor hats. Soccer stuff.

For a Christmas Party we will all meet at The Cachagua Store on Friday the 15th at 6 or so. Vanessa will show her PowerPoint deal. My UC Santa Cruz staff kids will come down to debut their band BearOnBear ( ). We will do some food. Alcohol will be consumed in the Spirit of The Season.

If you don't want to drive out...... drop off a gift, or send a check to Vanessa Davis, c/o Cachagua Store, 18840 Cachagua Road, Carmel Valley, CA 93924. Or, if you want to dig deep and get a tax deduction, the website is (Nuestros Pequenos Hermanos) and the parent organization:

Or don't bring anything. Just come out and listen to the band. But, if you say ''Merry Christmas'' in anything but Honduran......I will stab you.


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