They Ain't Never Heard Ol' Camp Cookie Sing......

"But they ain't never seen the Northern Lights....
Never heard the hawk on the wing....
Ain't never heard the Spring hit the Great Divide....
And they ain't never heard old Camp Cookie sing......"

"I wonder....... why do they ride for their money?
Tell me why do they rope for short pay?
They ain't a gettin' nowhere......
and they're losin' their share......

Son, they all must be crazy out there......"

Chris Ledoux song.....with Jerry Jeff Walker as the best exponent. Though Ian Tyson rocks the house as well.....

And then I-tunes segues into Ian and Sylvia's "Four Strong Winds"......

Teary-eyed sleep for me....

Anyway........

I got a ride-by short-story today.......dropped at the Store.

The sender chooses to remain anonymous....but it was not an email.

There was a horse involved.

I said that I would identify the sender as a "CowPerson".....which should have caused the instant explosion of my Confidant's brain.

I have know The Confidant for a million billion years. The Confidant and I are both lovers of pies....berry pies to be specific. The Confidant is the only person I have ever known who has, as do I.....ordered an entire pie to be saved for him for dessert upon arrival in the restaurant.

Even when The Confidant's family interceded and tried to discourage this behavior in my place.....The Confidant said "Fuck you....." and retired to the kitchen to enjoy his pie in peace. The family had the idea that the fats and sugars in the pie would shorten The Confidant's already long life....completely ignoring the ability of sheer unrestrained joy to carry us on for decades.....

When we first bought The Store, my dear partner Amanda had recently relocated from Los Angeles. Despite her big city trappings, she is a lover of animals who is almost without peer. She communicates with them effortlessly......Unfortunately, instead of bending them to her will, she encourages their various idiosyncrasies and neuroses. Amanda is not the Dog Whisperer.....she is the Dog Enabler.

One day, The Confidant's old dog showed up at The Store.....looking seriously old, tired, hot and bedraggled. Picture John McCain with dark fur.....Amanda immediately produced mineral water in a sparkling clean bowl.....and the hound's breathing and heartrate eventually decreased, along with the panting.

Next, she moved on to the gastronomic needs of the creature. Who knows what took place.

Several hours later, The Confidant himself appeared on horseback and noticed his cattle dog sitting under the bench with the various and sundry ne'er do wells.

"By God....that is my dog."

Amanda: "Oh, thank Goodness. We have been taking care of her for a few hours. I think she was lost."

"Well, good. But.....listen. You did not feed my dog, did you Young Lady? Because out here in The West we have a saying: "Feed my dog, steal my dog!"

"You didn't try to steal my dog........ did you?"

Amanda dissolved in a flurry of blushes and hand flutters.

The Confidant collected his dog and turned to me.....with a huge wink.

Here is his Fire Story:

A funny thing happened today at our little Cachagua ranch. A sherfiff drove up and told us that we could "voluntarily evacuate" our ranch (because of the fire).

I asked: "You mean we can leave if we want to?"

"That's right," he said.

I told this well-meaning officer that I have been voluntarily evacuating my ranch for 52 years. Sometimes even involuntarily....depending on the mood of my wife.

Meanwhile, I was leaning through his wwindow, smoking a fine cigar. I love a good cigar.....and a large ash dropped on his seat and started a small fire under his 38 Smith and Wesson service revolver, which involuntarily went off.

All of this startled me, and since he was parked next to our ranch fire hydrant, I grabbed the four inch line and yelled to my grandson (five year's old) to "turn it on!"

This hose has a pressure of 100 psi, which blew the Sheriff''s partner out of the passenger side door......without even opening it.

Involuntarily!

These fine young men completely lost their cool. I was trying to help them and they tried to arrest me! I held them off with the firehose as they tried to handcuff me.

They finally left.

My moral is this: Just don't say anything to a Sheriff. Just evacuate.....voluntarily or not!